What Therapists Wish You Knew About Couples Therapy

Couples therapy hasn’t always had a great reputation. It's often been seen as a last-ditch effort for relationships on the brink of collapse. But when you think about it - we typically learn everything about relationships by watching and observing those closest to us (which may not have always been the healthiest examples to follow). No one is ever really given a “playbook” with all the tools and skills needed for everlasting love and harmony, so it’s up to us to seek it out and invest the time and energy to create that reality for ourselves. 

So the truth is, couples therapy is just that - a personalized playbook for you and your partner to create together, backed by our evidence-based strategies and techniques. And guess what? Even if your relationship is relatively healthy, there is always more to learn and develop to set you up for future love and fulfillment. 

So what do therapists, psychologists and counsellors ACTUALLY want you to know about couples therapy?

We won’t be pointing fingers.

Have you ever heard the saying “when you point a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you?” It’s a reminder that when we criticize others, we should also consider our own faults and shortcomings. We’re all human here (last time we checked) so we won’t be assigning blame, taking sides or drawing lines in the sand. 

We actually just really want to give you both a big hug. 

Making the decision to come to couples therapy is amazing in our eyes, but we understand there’s plenty of apprehension - usually from our male-identifying friends (we get it, fellas). We want you both to know we’re dedicated to steering your sessions to a productive, respectful and patient place. 

We will challenge your desire to be “right.” 

This comes back to point #1 - if you are coming to therapy for a chance to prove that the other is the “problem” or “at fault,” prepare to have your ego challenged (in a healthy, caring way of course). Couples therapy works best when you can re-discover the curiosity to understand what is blocking the ease of your connection. Letting go of some assumptions you may have about your partner can help too. 

Conflict is inevitable. 

Even the most successful couples experience conflict - the difference is HOW they deal with it. Couples therapy focuses on helping couples to manage conflict and improve their relationship. Couples therapy can also stir up unresolved issues and initially feel more challenging before things start to feel better.  In therapy, you are rewiring and retraining your mind to think, act and feel in a new way as well as building new communication and coping skills. Conflict will still occur, but your renewed connection can help you work through it - together. 

Therapy can transform your relationship. 

Love is destined to evolve and change over time as we grow and move through life. But when it starts to feel like a burden, or you begin to really question “is love enough”, it may need some external support and attention.

Relationships are far more than simple connections - they are the threads that hold us together: families, communities, and society. By investing in your relationship — at any stage — you are ensuring that you and your partner will provide a stable foundation, and a positive example, for those who depend on you the most. This is why we show up each day to work here at Viewpoint; we are passionate, caring therapists who truly want to improve the fabric of society, one relationship at a time.

Click the button below to book your free 15-minute consultation with one of our couples-focused Viewpoint therapists.