Are You Both Actually Ready For Couples Therapy?

Most couples don’t feel “ready” for couples therapy, but know for certain that they need to take action. Any reason is reason enough to seek out therapy, but - there are some key factors to consider to set you and your partner up for an effective session. Here’s a few questions to ask yourselves to answer that big question: “are we ready for therapy?”

Is it a joint decision? 

Is one partner feeling immense pressure to go? Has an ultimatum been issued? It’s essential that both individuals are motivated to seek help and improve the relationship. The balance may not be 50/50, BUT a willingness to participate is crucial. 

Are you both willing to be open and honest? 

Rest assured your therapist won’t be pointing fingers or assigning blame. You can be open and honest no matter what you want to express. A willingness to share feelings, concerns and vulnerabilities will be key to seeing progress. 

Are you both ready to put in the time and energy? 

Deciding to start therapy is an emotionally charged endeavour. It’s a collaborative effort that can feel draining at times. Can you commit to yourself and each other to attend sessions regularly, complete any “homework” and practice the skills you learn? 

Are you willing to challenge your own behaviours and beliefs? 

Again, we can’t stress enough that there is no judgment from your therapist. However, that doesn't mean you won’t be challenged to see your behaviour, habits or beliefs in a different light. This is about more than being “right” or “wrong.” It’s  an opportunity to build self-awareness and begin the process of self-reflection. 

Here are some signs you might not be ready for couples therapy: 

Significant resistance from partner:

One person’s reluctance or undisclosed apprehension can hinder the counselling process. While it’s not a deal-breaker, it can create tension and undermine the benefits of your therapy. Your therapist can help guide you through any mixed feelings about the process of doing couples therapy.

Active Crisis:

If you're in the midst of a major crisis, such as abuse or significant addiction, your counsellor may suggest individual therapy and other resources that might be more appropriate initially. Your counsellor can put couples therapy on hold so that you can focus on more urgent concerns until you are ready.

Unresolved severe Individual Issues:

 It can sometimes be helpful to address significant personal issues, such as severe anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma, through individual therapy. However, depending on your and your partner’s unique needs, your therapist may encourage you to begin individual therapy before couples therapy or engage in individual and couples therapy at the same time.

Struggling with commitment to the relationship and/or therapy: 

Many couples enter couples therapy unsure if they want to continue in their relationship because of all the distress they are experiencing. However, if one partner is truly not committed to the relationship or committed to the therapeutic process, it can become difficult to create a safe and open space for therapy.  In this case, your therapist may suggest individual ambivalence therapy or couples discernment therapy to help you determine if couples therapy is the right path for you.

Recent significant life stressors: 

Sometimes people believe that couples therapy might not be appropriate when they are already dealing with significant life stressors, such as job loss, illness, and grief.  We believe, however, that finding positive and supportive ways to communicate and manage stressors as a couple will likely benefit your relationship and each partner personally.  Your therapist can take these concerns into consideration in your therapy plan and help you determine the best way to make the most of couples therapy.

By genuinely considering these factors, you can determine if you and your partner are ready to embark on the journey of couples therapy. Remember, a successful therapy experience requires both individuals to be committed to the process and open to growth. Our therapists are also happy to help you in making the decisions that will support your goals. 

If you and your partner are ready to take that first step, click the button below to book a free 15-minute consultation.