Why Couples Therapists Shouldn’t Make Promises (From a Couples Therapist)

As therapists, we have encountered couples clients who, filled with hope and anticipation ask “how long will it take?” or “can you guarantee we will love each other again?” While we understand the desire for certainty, if a therapist provides promises to these questions…run. 

Here’s why.

You and your partner are the main characters in your story. 

Therapy is a journey.  The more you come into it open and willing to listen, learn and grow, the more you can see real sustainable change in your life. Think about any movie with an amazing hero - they usually don’t start out as the world-saving, emotionally mature and well-rounded people we grow to love. Your story isn’t over until you say it’s over, so don’t let anyone make false promises or lead you to think the journey is a “quick fix.” 

Relationships are Complex

This is one of the reasons it’s so important to find a therapist who is the “right fit” for your therapy journey. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and making promises can set unrealistic expectations and lead to further disappointment if things don’t go to plan. What works for you may not work for your partner, and vice versa. 

Change Takes Time

We’ve said it countless times, but we’ll say it again! Change. Takes. Time. This goes back to point #1 about being the main character in the story. Just think of how boring your movie would be if every challenge was fixed instantly. Healing and growth takes intentional effort from everyone involved. Small changes may be faster than others, but that big, beautiful, positive and sustainable change we all want in our lives takes more time. 

So what promises can we make?

A safe and supportive space: calm, honest, curious and non-judgemental conversations to understand and uncover the sources of conflict and misunderstanding - together.

Practical tools and strategies: Each couple is unique, but there are proven and evidence-based strategies and techniques that we will share with you and your partner to improve communication, resolve conflicts and build a stronger relationship. Should you feel like they aren’t working or you aren’t seeing the progress you hoped - we’ll help you navigate that too!

Complete confidentiality: What you say in our space to us and to each other, stays here. It goes without saying therapists, psychologists and professional counsellors are bound by ethical guidelines to maintain confidentiality, sharing information only when legally required or with your explicit consent. 

Relationships are far more than simple connections - they are the threads that hold us together: families, communities, and society. By investing in your relationship — at any stage — you are ensuring that you and your partner will provide a stable foundation, and a positive example, for those who depend on you the most. This is why we show up each day to work here at Viewpoint; we are passionate, caring therapists who truly want to improve the fabric of society, one relationship at a time.