It’s only natural to be excited by the idea of spontaneity: unplanned adventures, new experiences and unexplored horizons.

Spontaneity has become very much expected in romantic relationships, especially in the social media era. We expect to be swept off our feet; to have our partner read our minds and surprise us with dinners, gifts and airplane tickets, and we go to great lengths to curate the perfect scenarios for everything from first dates to engagements to anniversaries. 

Which asks the question - if everything is expected, is it ever truly spontaneous?

It may seem counterintuitive, but spontaneity works best from a place of consistency. It’s important to remember that rituals - rather than social media moments - are the bedrock on which a healthy relationship is built. When couples take the time to invest in their daily or weekly interactions, it creates an environment of patience, trust and appreciation that, in turn, will give those perfect social media moments an opportunity to take flight.

So what is a ritual? That’s the wonderful thing - it can be anything you want, as long as it’s something that involves both of you. Feel free to schedule your rituals, but try not to over-schedule; if you are able to narrow each activity down to a particular window, rather than an exact time, it will give you a chance to arrange your other commitments around it. 

Here are some easy rituals you and your partner can try to create a deeper sense of connection.

Daily Rituals

• Mornings: Start your day with a shared activity. Chat over coffee, discuss your upcoming plans or, if you’ve got some free time, try meditating together!

• Evenings: Spend time together in the evening or before bed. Play a board game, build a puzzle, or read together - or take turns reading to one another.

• Anytime: Physical touch: Incorporate physical touch, such as holding hands, into your daily routine. A kiss on the way out the door can set the tone for your entire morning, and a warm hug can help soften a challenging day at work.

Weekly or Monthly Rituals

• Shared Experiences: Travel, hobbies, volunteering, live events or a trip to the movies - even streaming your favourite show once or twice a week can reward you with a shared experience, and a happy memory, that you can revisit later on in your relationship.

• Date Nights: Set aside time for regular date nights. These don’t need to be extravagant: grabbing take-out, or going for a romantic walk, can be just as intimate as a night on the town - but those are fun as well!

Consistency without Monotony

It’s been said many times: your partner can’t read your mind. But rituals can give you an insight into what’s on their mind, even if they don’t say it out loud.

But wait - doesn’t doing the same thing every day/week/month/year eventually become monotonous? 

Honestly, it might. And it’s up to you and your partner to communicate your feelings if that becomes the case. That’s where spontaneity is important - don’t be afraid to suggest something new as an alternative. And if you’re looking for some fresh ideas, Viewpoint Calgary has the resources to help.

Rituals in relationships are about more than the simple repetition of tasks. They require trust, patience, communication, and the time and energy to keep things moving forward. Rituals are, above all, a promise you and your partner make to one another. Fitting them into your schedules might not always come easy, but we believe they will be well worth it in the long run.