The Heart of a Couple’s Relationship

Diana Gudim, R.Psych.

According to the 40 plus years of empirical research by Dr.’s Julie and John Gottman, the heart of any couple’s relationship is found in the wellbeing of a couple’s friendship. A couple’s friendship is what a couple’s relationship is built on and just like the old adage, if you build your house on sand….well we all know how that will end. The Gottman’s ongoing research shows relationships built on sand whither and struggle, versus thriving couples’ relationships that are built on a strong foundational couple friendship. 

So what does a strong couple  friendship look like/feel like?

• You feel your partner knows you well, and you feel you know your partner well.

• You feel your partner knows who are the people that matter most in your life.

• You feel your partner knows your stressors and worries.

• You feel your partner knows what you are most proud and not so proud of in your life.

• You feel your partner knows your hopes, hurts, mission and legacy in life.

So how do couples build a strong friendship foundation?

• Taking time everyday to talk and share achievements, hopes, and stressors.

• Taking time for romance and not letting it fall to the bottom of the list.

• Taking time everyday to show love, appreciation, and gratitude for each other.

• Taking time to emotionally regulate and manage conflict with compassion for each other.

If you feel your couples friendship needs some bolstering, and you want to know more, just ask! We are Alberta and Nunavut’s premier resource for Gottman method couples therapy with multiple therapists ready to help.