I have never met an adult who feels like they have it all together all the time. Let’s face it, we all struggle at different points in our lives with feeling like everyone else knows something we don’t. Especially as we navigate the chaos of early adulthood—establishing our careers, identities, and relationships—it can feel like everyone else got handed the secret manual, and we… well, we’re winging it with the IKEA instructions at best.

If you’ve ever felt like an imposter, I want you to know you’re not alone. Hopefully, I can also share a few tools to help you tame those intense “what-am-I-even-doing?” vibes. First things first: take a deep breath and remind yourself that perfection is impossible.) If even saying that feels uncomfortable… same here. But hey, that’s a good sign we might need to recalibrate those sky-high expectations.

When it comes to sorting things out for yourself, here are a few questions worth pondering:

What are your non-negotiables?

For me, non-negotiables include getting enough sleep, keeping my work quality on point, and maintaining a baseline level of household order. That means the litter box is clean, the dishes are done, and the garbage is out. These essentials impact both my health and the people around me, so they’re non-negotiable—full stop.

What has some flexibility?

I’ll admit it: I’m the person who waits until the last clean pair of socks to do laundry. And yes, I’ll happily treat myself to takeout once a week. These areas have wiggle room because they’re short-term compromises that mainly impact me. They’re not ideal for everyday living, but during a busy workweek or when my energy’s running on fumes, they’re perfectly acceptable trade-offs.

What refuels you?

Ideally, some of these overlap with your non-negotiables. For me, it’s all about sleep, connecting with friends or family, and doing something creative once a week (even if it’s just doodling a masterpiece-worthy stick figure). These activities help recharge my batteries and bring a bit of joy back into my day.

Flexibility is key

Even with the best intentions, life happens. Mistakes, oversights, and moments of “oops” are inevitable. And that’s okay! The most important thing is to treat yourself with kindness. If you drop the ball, don’t beat yourself up—just pick it back up and keep going. Compassion goes a long way.

Want to dive deeper into self-compassion and how it can work wonders for your life?

Check out this article, or reach out to Samantha Rintoul today for support navigating the competing roles of adulthood.

Samantha Rintoul
Registered Provisional Psychologist